I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper Sexy Surgeon!

Poor old John Prescott. Never taken seriously in his political life and now he’s come out as having an eating disorder, what’s the picture that always seems to be dug out? The one about him tucking into a pie! Real People strike gold again by advertising a free pizza for every reader as well.

The money shot here is the bottom headline. I didn’t read that story and I don’t want to either because I know it’ll ruin the magic.

One of the previous entries had this comment left behind which I thought was so interesting I’d chuck it on the front page! Unfortunately whoever left it didn’t leave behind a proper e-mail addy so I can’t credit them with it.

Great site. It just reminded me of something you might find interesting.

A while back, I worked at an ad agency that worked on a very popular magazine in this ilk. We asked the dudes over there why such shocking stories were on the covers all the time and they said, simply, the more horrific the story, the more magazines they would sell. Apparently, the bodycount made a difference too.

But they had no valid reason whatsoever for putting the vacuous cover girls on there (they tried to fob us off by saying the readers identified with someone who looked like them – yeah, right – most of the public aren’t heavily photoshopped for one thing).

So yeah, great site, looking forward to the next post and good luck for the future.

Teenage Grandad

Here’s another one sent in by a reader, Niki Hunter (not the porn star). She bucks the trend of Deviant art by actually being enormously talented. Her doll pictures creep me out a little though.

The main headline has got me wondering when would be a good time to shop your rapist dad? Answers on a postcard…

Jenny Frost seems to be treading on Kerry Katona’s turf as another Atomic Kitten member with large breasts. I just found out that Atomic Kitten are apparently alive again, not that anyone seems to have noticed. Their comeback single charted at #77 back in January. Bless them.
Otherwise, this is just a giant clusterfudge of horror. The bulimic 7 year old, the 26 year old Grandmother. It’s like Richard Littlejohn (if ever a man was so appropriately named…) has begun to project his minds eye into reality. Even the immigrants are starting to go home now!

And it really must be said that anyone who follows fashion tips from Jordan and Carrie “horse faced” Bradshaw from Sex in the City deserves all they get quite frankly.

RANDY SHEEP SHRUB!

The Toyboy story is the real killer here. It’s so earth shattering that they felt the need to summarise it twice.

*Bonus link – LOLChristians*

So you’ve most likely heard of Chick tracts right? Spire comics follow the same path except they also come with added patriotism of Gods new chosen land. Hansi: The girl who loved the swastika is an epic tale of one girls journey into nazism, Russian gang rape and finally fighting against the evils of hippies and diet food in AMERICA!

Be warned as the comics are stored in a browser-killing pdf format so make sure your PC has the chops for them!

It looks like a paddling pool to me actually…

What I like most about this one is the juxtoposition. On one hand you have the cover model cheerily smiling while above her is the head line “VICTIMS MINCED FOR PIG FOOD!”.
Then along the bottom you have the heartwarming tale of 2 sisters finding each other after a lifetime apart right next to a picture of an oozing headwound.

*BONUS*

Picking on the Daily Mail (or… DAILY FAIL! LOLZ) is like shooting fish in a barrel but they can still pull a classic scaremonger – “Why no child is safe from the sinister cult of emo”

To put it mildly, the Daily Mail is to professional journalism like a date rapist is to romance. The quotes seem to be copypasted wholesale from a forum I’m guessing and are dismissed with a sneering “But as any parent will tell you, adolescent children can be highly irrational.” Because Daily Mail reading parents know best after all.

Mugged! By my chair!

Chat magazine, daring to show the reality of dangerous furniture that has been covered up for too long now!

The photo underneath the TODGER TERROR headline brilliantly illustrates the all too real fear of having your penis sliced off by a scythe. But the winner is the big arrow pointing out the BIG pants, just in case you were unsure.

£20 more than £32,000!

Today’s update is courtesy of Seaneen who also writes a blog that’s being adapted for Radio 4. So catch it now before it becomes the next media sensation!

This weeks cover model was an ex-minion of the Joker it seems. Her teeth are far too large for her head. Breaking my self imposed rule of never wondering about the insides, I did ask Seaneen about the “Mum who ate her home” story and she summed it up thusly…

“The woman who ate her house was someone who anxiously ate the threads of her carpet, ate toothbrush heads and purchased carpet samples to chew on. She is, in the realest sense, a rug muncher.”

WAKE UP YOU LAZY COW!

It’s creepy photoshop time again! The cover models eyes seem completely unrelated to each other.