Category Archives: Mag Cover

Lethal Loo Chain!

Pick Me up again confuses and delights with its jarring mix of happy smiley jolly model and screaming horror headlines.

The CEREAL KILLER (lol) story is just begging to be made into a dark comedy film. It could be a sleeper hit! Just get Jim Carrey to mug his way through the script but also have a serious expression on his face every so often (so you know it’s not all for laughs). Throw in a support cast, like that one from Desperate Housewives and thingy from Lost. Play that now requisite tune by Danny Elfman that’s in all the glossy dramas and you’ve got a future £6 summer sale HMV special!


No, Captain Kirk was a hero actually!

First off apologies for the lack of updates the last week or so. That pesky “real life” thing decided to get in my way of my very important task of cataloguing pictures and thinking up some funny blurb to pad it out a bit. Things have quietened down a little now so we can proceed as normal!

The Klingon hero hubby looks like the chocolate man from the Lynx ads if he’d let himself go a bit. Which would make sense seeing as he’s just a walking pile of vegetable fat, emulsifiers and whey.

Sink of despair!

When you see this, you will shit bricks. This is probably the creepiest cover that’s come about so far and I say that as someone who’s uploaded a few Real People covers. It’s quite nice of them to spare our eyes from the yucky picture in the top right corner but why did they need to answer the question nobody wanted to ask with that razor blade headline?

Another mag, another tale of deadly household objects. Is this the first sign of a possible uprising? It’s a well quoted statistic that most accidents occur in the home, perhaps there’s a far more sinister reason for this. Maybe that’s why you’re always reminded to unplug all appliences when you go to bed.

The obvious winner this time round is of course the man who sleeps with his wifes corpse. It’s ok, she’s got her best nightie on!

I love you, yes I do, ‘cos you know you’re my lethal brew!

It’s Real People again! In this one, they forego their usual creepy photoshopping because the couple depicted are creepy enough without it. Although nothing can outcreep the “I forced HUBBY TO LOVE ME” headline. In some circles that’s called rape.

This was another one sent in by the lovely Seaneen!

Saved by the bath, tossed off the sofa and buggered by the oven!

It’s quite handy that Chat mag points out tiny Charlie Jo. I would’ve sworn she would be the cheeky cheery cover girl! Strangely there’s a refreshing lack of hyperbole in most of these headlines. And yet they’re still rather creepy. The boneless baby sounds like a rather creepy novel though. Perhaps a stream of consciousness account of a road trip in a desert fueled by drink drugs and cheap sex. I’m gonna get me a literary agent and some pills right now!

Another brilliant photoshop job has come through. This time by Lookalike Mark Chapman from CaB. This one is definitely my favourite, I get through so many swans as it is!

4 babies in 40 minutes!

Take a break seem to have hired Real People’s photoshop tech for a week. The ongoing saga of the one twin with cancer reaches epic proportions as the illustrating photo shows. One twin with cancer is seen here icing cakes with her sister. Apparently that’s love. Next week – One twin with cancer ties her shoelaces. Which is also love.

I lost my heart to a Starship Trooper Sexy Surgeon!

Poor old John Prescott. Never taken seriously in his political life and now he’s come out as having an eating disorder, what’s the picture that always seems to be dug out? The one about him tucking into a pie! Real People strike gold again by advertising a free pizza for every reader as well.

The money shot here is the bottom headline. I didn’t read that story and I don’t want to either because I know it’ll ruin the magic.

One of the previous entries had this comment left behind which I thought was so interesting I’d chuck it on the front page! Unfortunately whoever left it didn’t leave behind a proper e-mail addy so I can’t credit them with it.

Great site. It just reminded me of something you might find interesting.

A while back, I worked at an ad agency that worked on a very popular magazine in this ilk. We asked the dudes over there why such shocking stories were on the covers all the time and they said, simply, the more horrific the story, the more magazines they would sell. Apparently, the bodycount made a difference too.

But they had no valid reason whatsoever for putting the vacuous cover girls on there (they tried to fob us off by saying the readers identified with someone who looked like them – yeah, right – most of the public aren’t heavily photoshopped for one thing).

So yeah, great site, looking forward to the next post and good luck for the future.