So what’s the point of this?

It’s a blog silly! There’s no real point in it at all! But if you must insist, then it’s here primarily to present the most deliciously lurid headlines that are being passed off as reality. There’s a brilliant word for this that was conceived by Graham Linehan (writer of Father Ted and The I.T. Crowd) called “funography” that sums it up perfectly. It was created in reference to documentaries with sensationalist titles as cheap excuses to just point and laugh at their subjects, examples of which being Channel 4’s Half-Ton Mum and BBC 3’s Pram Face Mansion. He explains it far better than I ever could here and gives some great(?) examples here.

Isn’t this just laughing at other peoples misfortune?

Not at all. What I aim to do with this is highlight how a genuinely tragic experience can be trivialised and used as a false promise to sell copies of a crappy magazine to a rubbernecking audience. These mags cater to the lowest common denominator with their headlines, all stories are willingly sold to them in full knowledge that their innermost secrets will be summed up in an attention grabbing headline. Whether or not they’re right for doing so is a whole other ethical argument and one which I’ll not be having here! Thankyewverymuch!

Are these for real?

They’re genuine in that I’ve seen them on the shelves of a newsagents. As to whether or not the headline is an accurate representation of the story or even if the story is genuine, I couldn’t tell you. None of these have been made up or photoshopped in any way (unless of course they’re labelled as such). These are presented just how you would find them in your local newsagents (assuming of course that you live in the UK).

So you don’t read the stories then?

Heavens no! That would take away all the “magic”. Brevity is the soul of wit as Shakespeare once wrote. Remember, this isn’t here to poke fun at the people involved. Just the headlines. Besides the actual stories themselves never live up to the promise of that headline as I’ve found out on many an occasion.

Is there a schedule for updates?

Steady on! I’ve only written one post so far! But right now, there’s no official schedule. I’m aiming to keep this updated at least 3 times a week. If there’s a lack of “teh funny” on one cover then I’ll post up several headline snippets instead. Sound fair? Good, now run along. I can’t be chatting with you all day y’know!

Can I get involved?

You most certainly can! All submissions received will be used and labelled as such! Any pics of covers I’ve missed or indeed photoshops you’ve come up with yourself would be awesome. In fact, more members of the opposite/same sex will begin to find you more desirable and you’d be invited to more dinner parties because of your shining wit! This could be your ticket to the big league sunshine! Just pop an e-mail to vacant.stare@gmail.com with your pic and maybe a bit of text if the desire takes you. Let me know if you want crediting and if so, what you wanna be called or else I’ll use your real name. Keep it short and sweet and try not to be too funny, I’ll be forced to raise my game then.


5 responses to “F.A.Q.

  1. How frequently have these questions been asked, exactly…?

  2. Very. By people more clever and important than you. 😛

  3. Superb stuff, those flaming mags and their highly improbable premises, good P*ss taking there, ACE.

  4. Hi

    I have two magazine covers I’ve taken photos of, would I be able to send them to you?

  5. “How frequently have these questions been asked, exactly…?”

    I often ask “How can I get involved” – ususally while holding a dead mackeral (sometimes a satsuma). I’m glad to see that I’m finally getting an answer!

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